Well I'm still here and Pat's still here, but it's been touch and go over the past two weeks.  I have finally been ground down and had to admit to pat that I kissed Ad in Portugal.  However, I've been very pleased that I didn't do anything physical and therefore, there is no lie when asked about the next step. There was none.  For me, life goes on as per usual, whereas for Pat, he's been dumped in a maelstrom of new emotions which has caused chaos with his sleeping, moods etc.  I feel very sorry.  Sorry for him and what he's going through, sorry for myself in getting caught and sorry for Rope, who is caught in the middle, not knowing what's going on.  Maybe this is the pinnacle of the last 5 years.  Maybe I've not been content for that long, maybe longer.  I love my life, but sometimes feel slightly buried in it all.  Does this feeling happen to everybody? I wonder.  I know that it will be very difficult for a long time now. Nightmare.